💁 What Have You Learned in This Life?
I'll tell you a few of my lessons. Tell me a few of yours?
We all know some things.
Everyone does, even the most daft and/or inexperienced among us. (Like babies! Who hasn’t learned a TON from inexperienced, not-even-talking, drooling-all-over-themselves babies? Tiny geniuses who poop all over themselves!)
But, as you live and grow, time will reveal this truth:
Every person you meet has something to teach you. Your job is to figure out what that thing is.
And want to know a sure sign of an asshole? Someone who thinks they have nothing left to learn from anyone. (Don’t let this be you!) Unfortunately, this population seems to be growing in America. Don’t feed them.
What I Know
Anyhow, I thought I’d share a few things I have learned. (Feel free to add your pieces of … um, wisdom? … in the comments. Maybe somebody needs what you know!)
I know the barbell owes me nothing. Whatever work I put into it, I get more back from it. Maybe not always in pounds lifted but definitely in lessons learned.
I know women are amazing human beings who feel soft and smell good. (This can be enough to leave your husband for. Surprise!)
I know sports can be phenomenal. The crack of a softball bat, the swing of a golf club, the pull of a righteous heavy deadlift, and the follow-through of a true 3-pointer are feelings worth chasing through the years. This is not time lost.
I know sometimes you might need to live thousands of miles away from family because you can love them best from there.
I know you can give up red meat … and survive. When you try it again after a few years, you won’t cry in memory of time lost. It will taste like … nothing. Turns out chicken and fish really are enough — with an occasional slice of bacon. (This really surprised me.)
I know that the most simple meal made with loving hands can taste better than the most expensive meal in a restaurant.
I know that being a little thick and healthy feels much better than being thin and sick. Turns out the pounds melting away don’t feel so great when it seems like you could be paying death a bounty. (Luckily, I wasn’t!)
I know that an empty barbell dropped in an empty gym is louder than a tree falling in the forest and still causes a fairy to lose her wings. Don’t do that shit.
I know that if you really love your kids, you have a pocket in your heart that nothing and no one could ever touch. You will simply love them through everything. It’s not even a question of whether you will.
I know that writing things down is magic. No one has ever been able to adequately explain why.
I know that queer people struggle inside in a way that most people have no idea of. Be kind to them, especially transgender folks. Our heteronormative society is 24/7 from the womb to the tomb. It can be a bit much.
I know that all of our lives are defined (to a certain extent) by loss, whether we want them to be or not.
I know that truth is buoyant. The more you stuff it down, the harder it fights to surface.
I know every storm (natural or emotional or political) feels like we may never survive … but we will. Do the right thing and weather the consequences. We’re going to get through this, too.
I know the universe will mete out its punishment on those who are unkind to animals, old folks, babies … and, well, everyone. Karma may take her time but she bats clean-up.
Dammit, Lisbeth... you got me with nearly every single one of these. Especially the one about transgender folks. My oldest child is trans and it's a daily struggle for confidence, for mental health, for self-acceptance and for self-love. And the one about the pocket of love no one can touch.... I effin' LOVE that one. It is so, so true. I am Mama Bear. Despite all of the struggles we have, no one - NO ONE - can EVER come between me and my love for my children. No matter what. That is the hill I will die on, any and every time.
What else I know:
- Hard work doesn't always get you what you want. That doesn't mean it's not worth it.
- It doesn't matter what others think; if you don't believe it yourself, it's not real. What you believe about yourself is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. So be your biggest fan.
- Your parents did the best they could, with the information they had, given the psychological/mental health support they had at time. Very few parents wake up and think to themselves, "How can I mess up my children today?". So give them the benefit of the doubt.
- We all carry some trauma from our childhood (even those of us with privilege). We usually inflict this psychological trauma upon our loved ones unconsciously. Forgive yourself and your loved ones for it. Your job as an adult is to recognize it and not to hold blame, but to be compassionate now that you know, and to do the best you can to parent yourself, break the cycle, and be as mindful as possible in every interaction. You can't control what might have happened to you, but you can can control how you respond to it.
- Sharing a deep belly laugh with a best friend is a sacred experience, and should not be taken for granted. Friends are not guaranteed in life, and they should be appreciated as the treasures and blessings they are.
I am enough.