I Hate One-Piece Swimsuits

So I don't wear them anymore.

I hate one-piece swimsuits.

And you know I rarely use the word hate. But I have long loathed that nylon contraption that society tells me should make me feel like this:

But instead really makes me feel like this:

When all I want is to feel like this:

But that’s the reality of being a shorter-legged/longer-torsoed woman. (Most women have longer legs/shorter torso … but not me!) One-pieces don’t fit.

Now they have “long torso” one-piece suits but my memories of being hog-tied into a one-piece swimsuit as a child are far too strong. So, over the years, I’ve sought out tankinis, bikini tops with board shorts, and a few one-piece zip-up suits like in olden times (thankfully, these never seem to be sized by designers from Upyourcrack, Pennsylvania).

But I don’t carry an umbrella. Or wear shoes when swimming.

Changing It Up

But lately, I’ve decided to just say fuck it (a shocker to no one) and wear a pair of swim shorts and a swim bra, leaving my no-longer tight abs out there for the world to see. Or at least the other 4 swimmers at 0530 in my Seattle athletic club.

Before I drove to the pool on the first morning in this new get-up, I did wonder if I would be self-conscious when I had to strip down in the locker room. I don’t often show my mid-section anymore, as opposed to the CrossFit days.

“Why yes, I’ll take off my shirt because it’s hot … or Tuesday.”

But here’s the thing: when I got to that locker room and started tossing my clothing so I could be the first one in the pool, I never even remembered to be self-conscious.

Nothing mattered but getting in that pool and swimming. Nobody’s gaze mattered. No society’s judgment.

And when I slipped into that heated, salt-water pool? All I could feel was silky water caressing my skin, even more glorious because it had more skin to come in contact with. And my not-so-tight abs felt more fabulous with every molecule of water that rushed past them.

Ah, that’s better!

Why Am I Telling You This?

Because like my gal Toni Morrison says, “If you’re free, you need to free somebody else.”

And if you’re a woman in this society, you know what I’m talking about — we might have freedom but we’re not free. Every day, we’re bombarded with multiple harmful messages about our bodies — and this goes on until we’re old and headed for mold. It’s truly stupid.

But the good news is that — if you try — you can toss that nonsense off like a one-piece swimsuit. You don’t have to hold it. Sure, like a wet sports bra, it might be little hard to get going but once you do cast that nonsense off, you won’t even remember what that shame felt like.

It isn’t your shame anyhow. It’s someone else’s shame. A secondhand shame passed to you. As TM might say, “Ain’t that something? A secondhand shame.”*

Toni Morrison, patron saint of badass intelligent women, pray for us.

Time to Drop That Nonsense

So feel free to ignore any idiot who talks about your body (including your own inner voice — remember you can Kill That Voice.)

Wear that swimsuit or those shorts or whatever it is that you’ve been longing to wear but you’ve been stopping yourself by thinking, “Am I too old for that?” “Can I pull that off?” “What will people say if they see my pudgy stomach?”

It doesn’t matter what they say. It only matters what YOU think.

And if you think you’re beautiful, then you are.

Period. Dot. No mas. Isn’t that glorious to realize?

Also, please remember that beauty isn’t only seen by the eye: beauty is heard and beauty is felt. For far too long, we have thought way too narrowly about beauty — and it’s time to change. (Read You Are Beautiful. Also one of my all-time favorites, Finding Your Beautiful Self Again. And let’s throw in You Don’t Need to Be Fixed.)

We are all beautiful. So let’s act like we are and go have some damn fun.

With California’s Strongest Woman and other competitors, 2015.

P.S. After I swam that first day in my new gear, I showered and then went into the women’s sauna. I’m in there, letting the girls hang out (which is like great therapy for feeling self-conscious because it is the women’s locker room where we all get naked anyhow) … and an 80-year-old woman walks in, wearing a bikini. And then she just strips it off right there in the sauna and lays down on her towel. It was like a Masters Class in IDGAF. Damn, Grandma, I guess I still got shit to learn. 😂

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How about you? Is there something about which you’ve decided, “Yeah, no, I’m never wearing that again?”

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Bonus: This interesting NYT article popped up after I wrote this newsletter. Give it a whirl! Naked? With Strangers? In Europe, That’s How You Relax at the Spa.

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*Original quote: “My lonely is mine. Now your lonely is somebody else's. Made by somebody else and handed to you. Ain't that something? A secondhand lonely.” – Toni Morrison in her novel Sula