Spare Parts and Broken Hearts

6 things to remember when you're not in the greatest relationship

Apr 23, 2023


Well you say you got no new dreams to touch
You feel like a stranger babe who knows too much
You come home late and get undressed
You lie in bed and feel this emptiness
Well listen to me
Janey don't you lose heart

Don’t lose heart.

We’ve all been in the shitty place that Bruce Springsteen is singing about — and sometimes that place is defined by our world and sometimes by our love relationships. (Or a combo of the above.)

I know. I’ve spent enough of my life in relationships that didn’t fulfill me, weren’t pushing me forward (or worse, were pulling me back), or just left me feeling alone even when I was with other people.

And that’s no way to live your one wild and precious life.

6 Things to Remember

So, if you’re in a crappy relationship right now — or even just a boring one that has passed its expiration date, like a forlorn box of donuts in some weird-ass grocery store of life — here’s the good news: you don’t have to live and die this way.

Every day, people break free — and every day, people find love again. I know that for sure. And here are some other things that I know for sure:

You’re not ready to leave until you’re ready to leave.
- The writer Elizabeth Gilbert has a great line for this: she says you won’t do a damn thing until your soul is appalled — and when you finally reach that state, you won’t be able to live one more minute the way you have been living. And you’ll break free. So if you’re still in the waiting phase, that’s okay, but like my man Springsteen sings: “Don’t waste your time waiting.” Prepare.
It’s not all your fault.
- Sure, a lot of shit went down in your relationship. That happens in every relationship — and it’s not all your fault. Nothing ever is. It’s just easier to assume it’s all your fault (and that plays a little into the martyr complex, if you’re into that particular mindfuck). But the truth is far more complicated. Cut yourself some slack.
Life can get better … and it will. But you’ll need to get moving first.
- Staying stuck and unhappy is no way to live. So don’t. Instead, think about any baby steps you can take — and then take them.

Ask AI for spare parts and broken hearts — and this is what you’ll get.

What your mom (or dad) did is not what you have to do.
- Sure, many of our parents stayed married. Life is different now. You’re different, too. This isn’t 1955 or 1975 or even 1995. Hell, it’s not even January, which might as well be 1914 in this weird hyper time/space we all live in since we entered the whirlwind in 2020. The whole world has changed — and so have you. You’re living your life, not your mom’s or dad’s.
Kids survive divorce — and even thrive.
- My kids are living proof. Happy, lovely people who value both their parents. They don’t wonder why their parents got divorced but rather how we managed to stay married as long as we did.
- And remember: watching your parents stay unhappy only teaches kids that marriage (and life) is miserable. Are you sure that’s the lesson you want to give?
When the Universe calls, answer the damn phone.
- If you’re not a complete jackwagon, breaks will come your way. Stuff you can’t explain. Opportunities out of the blue. But here’s the thing: you have to grab the chance you are offered. Don’t be like “Oh I’ll get the next call.” It may not come. When the Universe dials your number, answer the phone NOW.