We Must Know the Gender of ALL Candy RIGHT NOW

How else can society survive?

These little f***ers started it … and we’re going to finish it.

The M&M crisis has brought an important point to the forefront for America.

No, it’s not the fragility of our democracy or the inability of Republicans to stay focused on real issues. And it’s not the guns because obviously those cause no problems at all.

It’s the candy, people. We don’t know enough about the candy.

Sure, we make it and sell it and eat it … but do we really know candy?

Let’s Take a Closer Look

Some of us were surprised to find that M&Ms can wear shoes — and that they can CHANGE their shoes. The brown M&M started wearing lower heels in ads. (What does she have? A bunion? Why would anyone do that otherwise?)

And one M&M went from go-go boots to sneakers. WTF?

And some people say that same green M&M is a lesbian. I ask: do we have any proof she is not? Yeah, didn’t think so. (Like they say, most women are three M&Ms away from being a lesbian. Oh wait, maybe that was supposed to be “beers away.” Doesn’t matter. Still works.)

Real photo from the M&M Twitter. NOT fake news.

And apparently M&Ms can be different sizes.

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