Hating Yourself Less

It's possible. But do we keep these hard-earned lessons?

My collection of Maria Kalman books. Weird but worthwhile. That kind of sums me up, too.

“I hate myself a lot less during the Pandemic.” — Maira Kalman

I heard the artist Maira Kalman say this on a podcast and — and, as my British friend Jo would say, it “gutted” me.

Kalman is an incredibly talented artist who has brought me and many other people SO much joy. Her collaboration with Daniel Handler — Girls Standing on Lawns — is one of my favorite books. (Be forewarned, not everyone “gets” this book. As my son once said, “Maybe only you and Jo. Weird little people who like weird little books.”)

From Girls Standing on Lawns.

Yet this joy-bringing artist and author hates herself at times.

Ugh. I kind of didn’t want to know that but I take solace in this knowing, too.

Another page from Girls Standing on Lawns.

Self-Hatred: the Artist’s Companion?

I don’t love when life shows me another example of people/artists/geniuses who are less than happy with themselves, and sometimes even seriously depressed. (See: Virginia Woolf, Vincent Van Gogh, Bruce Springsteen, possibly all writers and almost every artist who ever lived.) I want these amazingly talented people who bring such joy to me to feel that joy themselves.

From Women Holding Things.

But that’s not exactly how creativity (and the world) works. Sometimes your gift to show and share what runs beneath your surface serves to amplify your pain. I can understand that.

And this feeling of hating yourself sometimes? Well, it happens to all of us.

All.

Even the incredibly talented and the successful.

So (I try to remind myself) when you find yourself in the shadowlands of your spirit, low in the low country, digging here and there in the soil of your soul, remember that we all have these days, these hours, these moments. That’s small solace but it’s something. You can make your way back out again. (Read: Create Joy.)

From My Favorite Things.

What Worked for Her

What made Maira Kalman happier — what made her hate herself less — during the Pandemic?

“The lack of options has opened up a new world of emotions for me.”

Ah, the lack of options. I have long believed too many options are the source of some of our woes. (Read: Fewer Choices, More Freedom.)

And then Kalman spoke about how life was before: “Too much performing … too much running around … all of us are performing a lot of the time … seeking approval … being amusing, being smart. That’s pressure … I like the sense of authenticity [now] in a snappier way. It means having self-confidence… you hold onto what you believe is real. I hate myself a lot less during the pandemic. It’s unbelievable. I hope it lasts.”

This interview with Kalman was done in 2021. I’d love to know how she feels now. Did her happiness last? Or — when the world opened back up — did the number of choices overwhelm again? And did she go back to being distracted and unhappy and hating herself?

But more than knowing what Maira Kalman thinks, I want to know what you think about our world and who we are now.

Did you keep your lessons learned from the Pandemic?

And do you hate yourself less now?

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Listen to the podcast: “70 Over 70: ‘I Hate Myself a Lot Less’ with Maira Kalman”

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